Little Tummies

Life before having children and after having children are completely different. Once you have children, they will occupy most of your time- err…actually all your time.  Its like you have gone into another world. Have you ever noticed that what you do or what you say are 95% about your children or related topics? Still I can say that among all those infinite work, chaos, tantrums and moodswings every parent enjoys being a parent because anything is cute when it comes to kids. When you have kids, you start to say or do silly things you never imagined you would do. Like ‘M1 just pooped’ – this was one of my recent text message to N while he was having a pretty busy work day. I am sure it made him smile even he was extremely busy working to meet an upcoming deadline. The reason is our little ones have trouble with bowel movements these days. So M&M having bowel movements made ‘headines’ in our home!

We tried almost everything with them. Its been there for several days- even weeks; this problem of constipation. I am not sure if I can call this constipation since sometimes their stool was not that dry. Even more, we have enriched their diet with whatever we can to ease with constipation – fluids, prunes, apricots, grains, leafy veggies (M2 dont like veggies though:( , grapes, juices, oats….actually some other kid would have diarrhea with this kind of diet!!! Anyway its not coming easy for them to pass it despite what we give. I greatly suspect the culprit is that they are not potty trained yet. If so, I am feeling guilty. Guilty not because I haven’t tried them to potty train. In reality, I have tried many ways. M1 once started peeing in potty everytime, then she reversed partially because M2 was not doing it. I am just guilty simply because of the thought that if somehow they were potty trained, they wouldnt have to go through these sufferings. At the same time, I know there is no point in forcing it which would only make it worse.  Ironically, they got constipation in the past when they were in potty training because they didnt like it.

They are intelligent kids, we have realized that already. They learn everything so quickly; just need one time observation.  But when it comes to potty, they just wouldn’t do it.  They just stand and try to poop so what happens is its actually against the natural way and block it. Bribing, explaining, mimicking…..all those ways haven’t helped much not atleast for a long time. Recently they have again started sitting for short periods with their favorite rhymes in my lappie infront of them. We think once they start to like it, we can make modifications to this setting. My parents and others in our home country didnt have this much trouble since when we were small, nobody used diapers. So it was straight transition from ‘anywhere to potty’. Its still that way in most places. It could be that way also because the floors are not carpeted but its tiles, marble, mosaic or granite- all easy to clean in case of accidents. Good for kids even though lot of work for parents.

I just don’t know what to do with their constipation at this point. It happened before when we visited our home country. After coming back to US, they were quite good for a long time. So we thought it would be weather change, adjustment to a new environment blah blah…Now what happened??  They are suffering a lot. My heart aches when I see their red faces and loud cries. In my opinion, kids shouldnt have to suffer this much. God should have made kids under 5yrs such that they dont get sick or dont have to suffer because of an illness. Everything should have been easy for small children. They are the most innocent ones………

For M&M, its pretty bad that we have had to apply suppositors a few times and have used Miralax. I cannot digest the idea of using suppositors for going-to-be 3yr old kids and dont like to continue Miralax for more than 1 week at a time. (it didnt seem to work well either) Bowel movements should be natural and regular (once or even twice in a day would be ideal). I think other negative factors in their case are that they dont like water. They take fluids having color! So we compensate by giving milk and juice by diluting it with more water and try to stay on some liquid diet especially when their constipation is bad. This past weeks it was like that except when we had a long trip day before. They got one day of freedom from their strict diet. They have a improved a little now, but we cant be sure if it will be back to normal. We dont think its their diet still we are cautious on what they eat with the hope that it will make things simple for their little tummies. Couple of months ago, their ped suggested prunes, fluids, Miralax, suppositor etc. I was almost near to calling their ped this time unless they showed improvement. I am holding to it also because we have started giving them a popular herbal medicine from our country and it seemed to work a little bit. It will be far better than Miralax or similar medicines anyway because herbal medicines don’t have side effects.

I just wish they drink more water, go to potty,eat more veggies…. I just pray that their little tummies be fine soon…..

Have anyone gone through this kind of constipation with your kids? Do you think weather change can contribute because we have noticed that they get this more in hot weather (may be because fluid req is more). Also, how much do you think older kids who still use diapers and trying to poop in standing positions have chances of getting constipation? Any other foods I should try? Suggestions and opinions are welcome…

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My baby birds have started flying….

As I said, they have started their school. Yes, they are on to another world..my baby birds have started flying. Usually we think its babies are enjoying the warmth of mothers….being always near their mothers…now I feel its actually the other way or may be a two way matter its right that babies need their mothers – the only one they know right from the start. But I realize that I was enjoying our world- just our family-me, my husband and my daughters all the time and more precisely me and my daughters most of the time (since N have to go to his job anyway). When they started going to school I am missing them. Its like a baby bird has learned to fly…I mentioned that I stayed with them for first few days. I was ok then. When I started leaving them…..I felt my heart is the heaviest thing in the world. I knew I had to this one day and every mother has to at some point. I know that if we stick around at the school and get more emotional, our kids follow and only make them cry more and more.

Just when I made sure they are not noticing me and I sneaked out, M2 saw me through the glass window and cried from her heart…the tears in her eyes said it all. Mom, how could you you just leave us here like that??? I was frozen then and there. I was like what did I do? How could I do this? I ran back and hugged her tightly and consoled her. But then again after sometime I came down to reality. I had to leave some day even not for this day. I left when she was happily playing with something else. I cannot forget some specific scenes like these. I dont think I can ever forget in my life. Next one was with M1. When I drop them, after a first short period of showing dislike, they usually get settled playing in the sandbox. Even if I dont like them playing in it for longtime and I have suggested their teachers to get them distracted to another activity, it works well for me to leave without them noticing. Once when I thought it was an easier day to leave, M1 suddenly started asking something showing the mud in her hand. Her teacher didnt understand but I could quickly get that she wanted to wipe away the mud from her clothes and her hand. I happily did that. She started playing again. Nothing in this world could have given me a single sign that she would ask the same again right after she was free of the mud. I repeated my sneaking out ‘ritual’ (!) after the first cleaning only to see that she was turning back with her hands extended  searching for me. I was already out and she didnt see me!! Oh my God! how much better if I had stayed there inside their class a minute more…..she would been very happy that her mom is still there to do whatever she needs.. But I didnt have the slightest clue..or who can really predict what a toddler do all the time? Anyway she didnt see me though. I was confused whether to go back or not. I just stood like a statue and decided not to go back. I was sure it would upset her more. But I could hear her crying…a form of crying when she is really hurt and I could also hear the teacher calling out her name to console her. I could get a glance from their outside windows that she was not responding to them…she just silently walked and climbed the small stairs in their classroom!! She missed her mama…………..and I, pretending to be the most practical mom in the world drove out of their school even though deep inside I was struggling. I couldn’t focus driving the car and somehow I got home back.

This will be one of the most touching scene I would never ever forget in my life…What made it touching for me is that she didnt know I was watching her. I realized my kids love me that much…I shouldn’t even think if they love me as I love them….they knew me better than I know them? May be they love me…….better than I love them? I dont know. I know I love them more than anything in this world. But kids are real angels…they are serene, clear, fresh, the most innocent……they are God-sent. No wonder why their love is the purest of all….

Away from home for the first time

My girls have started going to school. Yes, my angels are away from home- more than that away from me for the first time:( Its been 3 weeks now; only 2 days per week. Just to get them interact with other kids- they love it. We have seen it when we take them to play areas in shopping malls. Even otherwise, they need it to get adjusted to the system here, learn the language (our first language is not English) before they actually start school.

They call it school; its more like a playschool. They don’t teach much and they don’t force the kids to do anything which is good to some extent. Atleast they wont get punished for anything (sigh)They have various activities to do, there is play time, drama time, music time, story time, outside play, art, make-up, snacking together…..

I stayed with them for the first few days, then gradually shortened the time. They were doing great then, don’t ask for me much. Rather each one was looking for the other; after all they are twins! It was a great relief to know that but I admit part of me yearned for them to ask for me. That they cannot stay without their mommy, that they cry for their mommy. Its like I can know they love me more than anything in the world. Yes, I know I am possessive for my dearest ones which includes my husband, parents, brother, some friends…..so not a surprise when it comes to my kids- the ones that were with me just with me for 9 months, the ones that I can scream that they are completely mine….

But in past many months, I have learned not to be extra possessive for anyone. Esp with the kids, they may just leave you when they grow older. But with true love, its like that. You cannot restrict love even when it hurts you. Being possessive is only giving me suffering. I was like everything is my responsibility and it gave me so much load physically and mentally. I am worn out. I am getting illnesses I have never heard of before- most of them are because of the stress and tension. To make matters worse, I am basically short tempered. And there was another main reason for my temper and frustration- not getting a job. I love to work, I need to work. I have a good degree too. Just because of the work permit issues for any international I am constantly losing great opportunities. I was also restriced I couldnt consider relocating because my kids were too small. We wanted to be together as a family. I always knew not getting a job is a blessing in disguise since this meant my kids are getting their mommy all the time. Taking into account they were small and getting sick most of the time, it was better I look after them than they go to daycare and be frequently sick. Still we needed my job we need that extra financial support. Its expensive here in US. Having two small kids make the requirement higher.

I believe in God He knows what’s best for me. I pray to Him to give me strength. Still sometimes I get depressed and worried about the gap in my career. I wanted to work and give more quality to our life, our kids’ life. I also want to be independent and set an example to my kids and give support to my family. Its always safe if both parents are working, sharing responsibilities equally. Nobody knows what happens tomorrow with our life or with our jobs. Hence my worry about the career gap. I also love to balance life and work which I have done before. I love to be useful, productive, active, independent..(I hope I won’t write a post later about getting tired with trying to balance work and life!!!!) Some voice inside me always say I have bright career ahead. There is also new hope that I am going to get work permit this year and we are going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Through my tough times, the greatest thing was the love of N and my family- no words to thank them for the care and support given to me. Otherwise I would have been broken completely.

Recently I decided this: Its better to have a ‘let it go-take life as it is’ attitude than striving for perfection in everything we do. I have also learned to control my temper and words. Its not easy for a perfectionist like me to easily make that transition. But I am trying to practice it-making baby steps along my way which I realize make my life much easier.

Coming back to my kids school- My kids are generally very good with others, so they are good at school too. Actually they show tantrums, get naughty and demanding especially when we (dad and mom) are with them. Its good that our kids don’t give too much trouble to others even if it meant their dad and mom get compensated for all that!!

Background

My pregnancy and delivery were not easy. I am sure you can imagine. For multiple births, you have to expect that anyway. I was carrying right when I was finishing my graduation and it made things harder. There were also some problems expected for the babies but by God’s grace, everything was ok. With the help of my loving and supportive family (my hubby N and my parents), I managed to reach 37wks. I developed preeclampsia and they had to an emergency c-section. Finally the wait was over and my angels arrived! I could see those two tiny faces I had longed to see……..I don’t think any mother can explain that feeling very well. Ok everything looked fine and I thought if this is all women fears about..Then came the real experience. I started bleeding which I didn’t realize because of the anesthesia. Luckily, the nurse was so caring and she noticed it and the rest of the things are history. Another procedure named embolization which saved my life however only to be followed by prolonged bleeding, high blood pressure, abdominal pain…..blah..blah..

The happiest part was that the babies came fine- much better than expected even it brought extra load to my body. N and my parents were the most affected. They were happy for the babies but anxious about my health. Both babies had to stay in NICU for sometime esp one a little longer because of low intake of milk. It was a tough time for all of us. One baby in hospital and one at home is a real challenge. As for myself, some more procedures, more appointments, medicines…..somehow repaired me; not completely but to an OK-state.

Rest of my time with M&M was eventful. It was exactly double the joy and double the trouble at the same time. I was fortunate to get help from my parents for quite a good time which really made a difference. 

I always wonder how identical twins can be so different too. M1 is soft, loves to talk, loves to play indoor, loves to eat, sing…M2 is naughty, more active, less talk, loves to go out, don’t eat much, sing and dance.

And my story continues……………

A Beginning

My twins M&M are turning 3 in August. My idea of writing about my life with them is only a few months younger. Time flies fast and I dont want to look back at some point in my life and regret not trying atleast….Today, purely a spur of the moment, I am starting it here….I want it to be just an open book…my views, thoughts, feelings, what I realized, what I didn’t realize, what I wanted to do, what I didn’t want to do when I raise my daughters- my sweet little angels…yes they are my angels…really God-sent….They are checking my patience, my temper, making me exhausted, making me cry, making me regret…..but more than that, they make me smile, make me happy, gave me a purpose for my life and made me feel my heart is flowing with full of love……….Love you M&M….this is for you and everyone out there who would like to know how it feels to be a mom…especially a mom of twins…