As I said, they have started their school. Yes, they are on to another world..my baby birds have started flying. Usually we think its babies are enjoying the warmth of mothers….being always near their mothers…now I feel its actually the other way or may be a two way matter its right that babies need their mothers – the only one they know right from the start. But I realize that I was enjoying our world- just our family-me, my husband and my daughters all the time and more precisely me and my daughters most of the time (since N have to go to his job anyway). When they started going to school I am missing them. Its like a baby bird has learned to fly…I mentioned that I stayed with them for first few days. I was ok then. When I started leaving them…..I felt my heart is the heaviest thing in the world. I knew I had to this one day and every mother has to at some point. I know that if we stick around at the school and get more emotional, our kids follow and only make them cry more and more.
Just when I made sure they are not noticing me and I sneaked out, M2 saw me through the glass window and cried from her heart…the tears in her eyes said it all. Mom, how could you you just leave us here like that??? I was frozen then and there. I was like what did I do? How could I do this? I ran back and hugged her tightly and consoled her. But then again after sometime I came down to reality. I had to leave some day even not for this day. I left when she was happily playing with something else. I cannot forget some specific scenes like these. I dont think I can ever forget in my life. Next one was with M1. When I drop them, after a first short period of showing dislike, they usually get settled playing in the sandbox. Even if I dont like them playing in it for longtime and I have suggested their teachers to get them distracted to another activity, it works well for me to leave without them noticing. Once when I thought it was an easier day to leave, M1 suddenly started asking something showing the mud in her hand. Her teacher didnt understand but I could quickly get that she wanted to wipe away the mud from her clothes and her hand. I happily did that. She started playing again. Nothing in this world could have given me a single sign that she would ask the same again right after she was free of the mud. I repeated my sneaking out ‘ritual’ (!) after the first cleaning only to see that she was turning back with her hands extended searching for me. I was already out and she didnt see me!! Oh my God! how much better if I had stayed there inside their class a minute more…..she would been very happy that her mom is still there to do whatever she needs.. But I didnt have the slightest clue..or who can really predict what a toddler do all the time? Anyway she didnt see me though. I was confused whether to go back or not. I just stood like a statue and decided not to go back. I was sure it would upset her more. But I could hear her crying…a form of crying when she is really hurt and I could also hear the teacher calling out her name to console her. I could get a glance from their outside windows that she was not responding to them…she just silently walked and climbed the small stairs in their classroom!! She missed her mama…………..and I, pretending to be the most practical mom in the world drove out of their school even though deep inside I was struggling. I couldn’t focus driving the car and somehow I got home back.
This will be one of the most touching scene I would never ever forget in my life…What made it touching for me is that she didnt know I was watching her. I realized my kids love me that much…I shouldn’t even think if they love me as I love them….they knew me better than I know them? May be they love me…….better than I love them? I dont know. I know I love them more than anything in this world. But kids are real angels…they are serene, clear, fresh, the most innocent……they are God-sent. No wonder why their love is the purest of all….
momoftwinangels 